If God Had a Day in Heaven Watching Us Handle Love…

I imagine God waking up in heaven (as if He ever sleeps, but bear with me) and checking in on us humans. The angels are probably bringing Him coffee ☕ (decaf, obviously), and He sighs, shaking His head.

“Alright, let’s see what they’re up to today…” He pulls up His celestial screen, and the first prayer comes in:

“‘God, please send me a soulmate 💍!’” He raises an eyebrow, sipping His coffee. “Didn’t I just send Karen three good people this month? But noooo, she’s still waiting on someone tall, rich, and with a six-pack. Meanwhile, she hasn’t unpacked her own baggage 🧳. Okay, Karen, let’s try this again…”

Then, He sees another prayer pop up:

“‘God, give me a sign!’ 🙏 He laughs. ‘A sign? Oh, sweet child, I sent you 15 red flags 🚩🚩🚩. You ignored them all and married the walking disaster anyway. Now you’re asking for a miracle? Do I look like Match.com?!’”

God decides to scroll through His notifications. “Oh, here we go again. Humans are ghosting each other 👻 and calling it ‘self-care.’ Meanwhile, the same ones are crying, ‘Why does nobody stay in my life?’ 😢 Listen, I invented karma. You can’t outsmart Me. Your receipts? Eternal 🧾✨.”

He takes another sip and shakes His head as more requests pour in.

“‘Why is love so hard, God?’ Oh, I don’t know… maybe because I designed two completely different humans to coexist 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♀️. Even I rested after six days 🛌, but y’all? Y’all want everything to work without putting in any effort. Smh.”

At some point, Jesus probably pops His head in, saying, “Dad, you seeing this?”

God just nods. “Yeah, I’m seeing it. Same story, different day. They’re out here ignoring communication 🗣️, expecting telepathy like they’re prophets. I gave them mouths. USE THEM.”

Finally, after a long day of watching us fumble through love, God leans back and says:

“Look, love isn’t about finding someone perfect 👌—that doesn’t exist. It’s about two flawed people choosing grace every single day 🤝. Just like how I choose grace with them. Except I don’t even get date nights 🍷🍽️.”

And with that, He probably logs off for the day. (But don’t worry—He’s always watching 👀✨.)

Moral of the story: Do better, y’all. God’s already working overtime.